Southland Christian Ministry Training
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By Ian, on April 26th, 2012%
I have a confession to make – I did not give my mother anything for Mother’s day! My only excuse is that I did step in for my children and give my wife a beautiful potted chrysanthemum, but I feel just a little guilty. Yet the more I thought about it the more I realised that a bunch of flowers, breakfast in bed or a card with sickly sweet words is not really what most mothers want anyway. What do they want? As a mere male I sometimes find that hard to work out, but here is a list of ten gifts which we can give all year round!
1. The gift of thankfulness, expressed in words and actions, rather than hoping they know we are grateful for all they have done for us.
2. The gift of friendship, recognising that there is a time to move beyond the adult/child relationship and become friends.
3. The gift of time, being prepared to listen, and pay attention to all those other little jobs that they may increasingly need help with.
4. The gift of honour, treating them with courtesy and respect, even when the ravages of age may diminish their ability to do things as well as they used to.
5. The gift of encouragement, looking for opportunities to go the extra mile to care for not just their physical needs but their mental and emotional needs as well.
6. The gift of forgiveness, recognising that we all make mistakes, and none of us are perfect parents, and choosing to forget and not mention those events again.
7. The gift of openness and honesty, being prepared to share what is really going on in your life and not just give the sugar coated version.
8. The gift of laughter, retelling old stories, and finding fun things to do that will include them in family activities, even when it might initially seem inconvenient.
9. The gift of vision, including them in your dreams for the future, showing them how their legacy will live on.
10. The gift of commitment, proving that you will stick by them through thick and thin, not just on one day but the whole year, even if you are geographically separated from them.
So, if you missed mother’s day here are ten things that you can still give, every day of the year. Come to think of it, all those gifts you can also give to your partner, so don’t just sit there, start planning now which of these gifts you need to give today!
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on November 27th, 2011%
Most of us think that we know the theory of communication but sadly we don’t always use it, me included! So, my challenge to you today is to pause long enough to reassess your current communication skills and maybe to apply what you already know. One book I was reading by John Maxwell, (called 21 Indispensible Qualities of a Leader) suggested that to be an effective communicator you needed to embrace four basic truths:
- Simplify the content! In other words you need to be clear about what you are trying to say, and get rid of things that would confuse the basic message you are seeking to convey. Quit trying to impress them with your vocabulary.
- See the person! You need to recognise where your hearers are coming from. Do they have the background information they will need to interpret your message? Are they open and receptive or have you lost them? Look them in the eye and you will know.
- Show the truth! Is your message believable, or more particularly are you committed to what you are delivering? You may need to develop your credibility with the audience before they will accept what you are saying. Do you walk your talk?
- Seek a response! The goal of any communication is action, so make sure they know what you want them to do with what you have given them and when you expect that response. Be confident that they will respond.
We all may think that we are good communicators, able to inspire and motivate those around us, but maybe we are having ourselves on. If we are going to be successful wherever we are in the organisation, we need to continually hone our communication skills. But remember, the underlying fact is we need to be good listeners as well!
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on November 7th, 2011%
Most of us think that we know the theory of communication but sadly we don’t ALWAYS use it, me included! So, my challenge to you today is to pause long enough to reassess your current communication skills and maybe to apply what you already know. One book I was reading by John Maxwell, (called 21 Indispensible Qualities of a Leader) suggested that to be an effective communicator you needed to embrace four basic truths:
- Simplify the content! In other words you need to be clear about what you are trying to say, and get rid of things that would confuse the basic message you are seeking to convey.
- See the person! You need to recognise where your hearers are coming from. Do they have the background information they will need to interpret your message? Are they open and receptive or have you lost them? Look them in the eye and you will know.
- Show the truth! Is your message believable, or more particularly are you committed to what you are delivering? You may need to develop your credibility with the audience before they will accept what you are saying.
- Seek a response! The goal of any communication is action, so make sure they know what you want them to do with what you have given them and when you expect that response.
We all may think that we are good communicators, able to inspire and motivate those around us, but maybe we are having ourselves on. If we are going to be successful wherever we are in the organisation, we need to CONTINUALLY hone our communication skills. But remember, the underlying fact is we need to be good listeners as well!
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on March 25th, 2011%
There are some weeks that I seem to be a magnet for angry, hurting, frustrated people. While filling in for the 1RTU chaplain I also did some presentations on communication, workplace relations and ethics, but somehow putting those concepts into practice with difficult people never gets any easier. Been there? While pondering this gulf between theory and practice I had to admit that maybe it would be easier if I had a quick checklist. So, the next time an angry, hurt, frustrated person walks into your office (or home) work through this list:
- Be Open! Don’t make a hasty judgement and reject them on the basis of how you feel. Choose NOT to get defensive, and be open to the fact that they may have good reason for reacting the way they are. They may have come to you because they trust you, so don’t blow it by acting busy.
- Listen actively! Let them vent their feelings, encourage them to keep talking by asking open ended questions. Resist the urge to interrupt and give easy quick fix solutions before they are really finished describing their problem. Give them your undivided attention, look at their body language as well as what they are saying or not saying.
- Check for accuracy! Give them some feedback as to what you have heard. This will require a calm confident assessment of what the issue is and how they feel about it. Seek to get any others facts or documentation that may have led up to this problem.
- Express empathy! Telling them they are stupid for feeling the way they do will not help. Seek to understand what it would be like to be in their shoes, and validate their feelings. You may never have been in their situation, but to recognise and verbalise their depth of feeling gives you the opportunity to begin helping.
- Determine direction! Find out what they think would be an ideal solution. This may be totally unrealistic, but it is the obvious place to start. They may see this as the only option, but your role is to help them find a range of possible solutions to be assessed. At this point you may also need to get other specialist input as to how some of these options will affect other parts of the organisation. Make a decision!
- Develop action plan! Clearly describe what you are going to do and what you expect them to do to put this plan into practice. Don’t be afraid to document this process as this may save a lot of heartache in the future for all concerned.
- Do it! No matter how good the plan may be if it is not implemented nothing changes! Follow through and make sure that you express your thanks to the person for raising it and helping to resolve it. This may also give you an opportunity to make sure that they have done what they agreed to do.
Finally, remember that sometimes the actual cause of their anger and frustration may be systemic, and patting yourself on the back for how well you handled the individual may not address the real issue. Step 8 therefore will require you to assess and address the wider context of the complaint.
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on March 12th, 2011%
 Periodically I have an opportunity to play at being (or becoming) a theologian. One opportunity came when I got together in Canberra with a range of other want-to-be theologians from diverse backgrounds and churches. Our purpose was to discuss recent trends in theology and examine how they apply to life in the real world. We did lots of the first but not much of the second!
But what did I learn? Well, it did remind me of a story. I am currently building a garage. I did my homework and worked out that the best and cheapest option was to purchase one in kit form and put it together myself. The salesman was confident that anybody could put it together “yes, you and your wife will have no trouble”. I niavely believed him…thinking it may not be easy, but all I have to do is follow the instructions.
The so-called instructions were just the engineering specs and the plans to be submitted to council. But all I had to do was put the pieces of the jig saw puzzle together – just start at the bottom and work up! Then I found that some bits required more brute force than we had available. Other sections required extra-ordinary long arms when we only had standard ones. There were building techniques that required three sets of hands when we only had two available. There were times when we despaired of ever finishing it because it was not obvious how it really fitted together and where do these other bits “fit”?
 It's All Greek To Me... Seems to me that many people come to faith like that. They are told they can do it – they sign up and are assured they have all the bits required, all you have to do is follow the instructions. They look at the instructions – the Bible and find that it is in code! They decide they can do it without being able to decode the specs, but run into a whole range of other problems and give up in a mess and walking away from a half completed garage in total frustration. What went wrong? They did not get any help with theology! My role as a theologian is to breakdown the engineering specs and plans and develop some step by step instructions of how to really put it together, including some trade secrets on easy ways to do it.
I finished the garage, but still have to work out what to do with all the leftover bits. But my real job here is to help others to build their lives and maybe help them see and interpret God’s overall plan.
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
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