Southland Christian Ministry Training
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By Ian Whitley, on September 13th, 2010%
What does it take to grow a healthy relationship? Having been married to the same person for over 35 years, people sometimes ask me “What is the secret?” My typical answer is work! Ongoing maintenance! There are just a few things you need to work on to keep it healthy.
Hope – all relationships need some hope for the future; some shared dreams of where you want to go.
Effective Communication – which is a lot more than just talking. In fact, it is even more about listening and understanding, and being able to forgive.
Affection – you need to continue to be best friends who enjoy being together, sharing and showing how you really feel.
Laugh – there needs to be a lighter side to the relationship; an ability to have fun and play together.
Touch – involving both sexual and non sexual closeness; knowing when to be quiet and just give a hug and a kiss.
Healthy Balance in terms of time together and time apart. This stops you becoming too dependent on your partner for everything and not taking some responsibility for yourself.
Yield! Being able to willingly give in rather than demand your rights, sharing both the good and the bad together.
That is how to build a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time.
Chaplain Ian Whitley
By Ian Whitley, on August 29th, 2010%
This week the RAAF released a new vision statement which is worth pondering:
One team – swift, decisive, resilient and respected
But what does that really mean? Amidst a plethora of vision and mission statements and catchy phrases how do we decide what really matters? Words, even good words are cheap, what matters is whether we are really a “values based” organisation, and seeking to be a community, one team all with the same aims and goals. That cannot be forced, it is a choice which we need to make daily, which will be reflected by our actions. As the Commander reminded us this week that change will not happen as a result of just beefing up the rules but by changing our own attitudes.
We are called to be swift. Reminds me of the story that says: “man is the only animal that when it is lost it tends to go faster”. Of course it is not just about speed, but denotes a willingness to respond to specific needs without procrastination and buck passing in lieu of action!
Thus the challenge is to be decisive and not to make excuses! This requires an ability to get the facts, understand the context, and take responsibility for making decisions in a reasonable time frame. That is not always easy, because I find that at every corner we are faced with more and more governance and statutory regulations we have to work with! Yet if we are to become one team, a community that cares about each other we need to swiftly and decisively find a way forward – even if it requires us to get rid of some rules.
If we continue down that path we will face obstacles, frustrations and what may look like failure. Resilience is about  recognising that just losing one battle will not decide the war! If we are going to fulfil our calling, we have to keep getting up after we have been knocked down and refusing to lower our standards. That is how we should be seeking to develop productive working relationships without undermining character.
The inevitable end result of that approach is respect. We are part of an influential, trusted, professional organisation with a long, proud history and yet ongoing respect and credibility are not automatic they must be earned.
What are you doing today and this week to make that vision a reality? For some of us that may require a miracle, but you are in luck, I also believe in miracles! You may need God’s help to change, to grow, to become a valued member of that one team, swift, decisive, resilient and respected.
Chaplain Ian Whitley
By Ian Whitley, on August 16th, 2010%
I spend a lot of my time talking to people about their relationships, but all too often by the time they come to talk to me things are already desperate! The fact is most people have never been taught some basic principles of how to build and repair relationships. In some respects it is a simple as ABC… OK it is a little more complex than that, and in my grab bag of tricks I probably have hundreds of suggestions I can make! But here are just 26 for you to think about:
Adaptable! Not everyone is like you – get used to it and learn to adapt to your partner’s view of normal.
Best friends! You need to learn to be friends before you become lovers.
Complements! Learn to say nice things to each other – stress the positive NOT the negative.
Develop! Keep growing, seeking to be a better person, a better lover, a more caring person.
Express your feelings! Share what is really going on for you – your partner is NOT a mind reader.
Fun! Make sure that you have got time to have fun together – don’t take yourself or each other too seriously.
Goals! Make sure that you are planning for the future, and that you both know what you are aiming for.
Honesty! Truth and trust is the very foundation of any relationship, so make sure that you are honest in all you say and do.
Integrity! Character is what counts.
Justice! Do what is right, be just in all your actions, remembering that there must also be room for mercy.
Kindness! Go out of your way to treat your partner as special, honor them any way you can.
Listen! The highest complement you can give anyone is your undivided attention, so don’t just pretend to listen – really listen.
Memories! Be always on the lookout to celebrate anniversaries, affirming your past history and get concrete symbols to help you to remember.
Needs! Be aware of your partner’s physical, mental and spiritual needs, and be prepared to share what your needs are as well.
Openness! This requires vulnerability, sharing the real you, taking off the mask and being real.
Positive! If you are naturally negative and pessimistic, change your attitude – you can do it and you will be much easier to live with.
Quietness! You do not have to fill all the spaces with words, be content to just be together, and enjoy each others presence.
Reflect! Don’t be so busy that you have no time to stop and reflect on what is really important and who you are becoming.
Sorry! Learn how to apologise, recognise what your partner expects from you to show that your “sorry” is real.
Time! If you are not spending enough time together it will degrade the relationship – show how much you value it by giving it a priority.
Unexpected! Get out of the rut, so something spontaneous to spice up your relationship.
Vision! Talk about our hopes and dreams, get concrete symbols of your visions so that you don’t lose sight of them.
Wisdom! This comes from not just knowing about our partner but really knowing them and applying those lessons to the relationship.
X-rays! Look below the surface of your relationship, go deeper and the effort will be rewarded with greater insight.
Yield! Be prepared to give up your rights, give sacrificially so that your partner knows that they are the most important person in the world.
Zest for life! Don’t accept mediocrity, give it all you have got, aim for the stars and refuse to accept second best.
Don’t just sit there, think about one of those and how you can apply it today. Now go and DO it!
By Ian Whitley, on August 14th, 2010%
 As a brand new member of No.22 SQN (city of Sydney) it has been interesting to read something of the proud history of this unit and the battle honours awarded to it. The motto, ADSUM, is translated as “we are here” and 22 SQN in its newest form after merging with 325 ECSS has definitely arrived! But what does that mean? Is it good or bad? The fact is, it all depends. The future is in our hands and it is up to us as individuals, as a SQN and maybe even as a base community to make it work and bring good from it. There is not much use in asking ‘why’ this has happened, we must go beyond that to find strategies to make this a positive step.
One area that I am required to assess and monitor, is unit and base morale. But my struggle is to define this animal and somehow objectively measure it! One suggestion is that “morale is the fighting spirit of a unit”, which is determined by the even less tangible things such as motivation, attitude, teamwork, organisational support and leadership. It is these human factors that make all the difference. Thus the key to this merger cannot just be the label, and receiving a great heritage but how we apply ourselves to the task and make this unit OUR unit. There will be some pain in working through this transition, there will be grief and loss for both 22 SQN and 325ECSS but it is important that we adopt a positive attitude and work together through the issues without getting caught out by our feelings.
In terms of organisational support, we still do not have a clear picture of what the final structure will look like, so there will continue to be some ‘fear’ but it is important that we do not allow this to paralyse us. It is my hope and prayer that leaders at all levels will rise to the occasion by providing clear direction because “we are here” and we can’t go back there! Seems to me that this applies not just to 22 SQN but to all members of the military, so, what are you doing to raise the morale of your unit?
Chaplain Ian Whitley
By Ian Whitley, on May 24th, 2010%
This morning I went for a quiet stroll. I did a 5 kilometre walk in about 39 minutes, and I decided maybe I was not quite as fit as I thought! How would you rate your personal fitness? Most Physical Trainer Instructors reckon that about half an hour per day exercise should maintain your level IF you are eating sensibly. But if you know that you are carrying a few extra kilojoules or want to get fitter then you will need to expand your programme to about one hour per day and may also need to consult with the PTI to help you set some specific targets.
But, is that all there is to fitness? No! You are more than just a body! Wherever you are in life, it is important to get your mind in shape as well. How much time do you spend each day exercising your gray matter? Most of us can do a lot of our daily work without really thinking and the end result is that we get bored with life. My challenge is that each of us should spend about half an hour a day developing our minds. How? I’ve found the best way to do that is through reading and thinking about how that applies to life. I am always on the lookout for great quotes and this one from Marcel Proust puts it beautifully:
“the real voyage of discovery consists, not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes”.
If you need renewed vision, you do not need a transplant, rather you need to be educating your mind to see old things in new ways! So, half an hour per day will maintain you at your current level,l but if you want to improve your mind, you will need to stretch and do more than that. Keep in mind, it is not just how much you read, but what you read. The fact is, choice – not chance – controls your destiny, so choose to get physically and mentally fit.
Yet, life is more than a body and a mind, we also have a spirit, which is often the most neglected part. You may have had some religious training as a child, but is that enough for you as an adult? Do you know what you believe? Does it matter? Yes, it does! Maybe you need to spend some time getting spiritually fit, and yes, it will take about half an hour per day, but if you are a long way behind or want to grow quicker, it will take more. How? Find a Padre, Priest or Pastor and they will help you find a programme to fit you, which will cover scripture reading, prayer and attending church.
So don’t waste your time, use it wisely to get fit, and stay fit, physically, mentally and spiritually.
Chaplain Ian Whitley
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