Southland Christian Ministry Training
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By Ian, on December 5th, 2011%
Sometimes people ask me what I do as a chaplain. I have a long list of answers but I have recently decided on a new one, “Life Coaching”. Sounds impressive, but it is really very simple, I help people get their lives sorted out and clarify where they are going. Well, it sounded simple till I tried to work out HOW I did that! I suppose it comes down to helping people talk about who they are and what they want out of life. Here are some of the basic life coaching questions I have asked myself under the following headings:
1. Character! Who am I? What are my core values? If you can’t answer that then you are unsure of what you actually believe, and have no standard to assess your progress.
2. Clear direction! Do I know where I am going? Have I clear goals? You need to have both short term and long term goals, and they need to be written down with an expected completion date.
3. Commitment! Have I calculated the cost of achieving those goals? Am, I prepared to see it through to the conclusion even when it gets hard? To achieve those goals you need total commitment not just wishful thinking.
4. Capability! Do I have the skills I need to achieve my goals or are there some skills I need  to learn? Am I teachable? We all need to keep learning, growing and developing if we are going to reach our full potential.
5. Creativity! Have I got too close to the obstacles that I cannot see beyond them? Maybe you need some time out, to get away and grasp the big picture again. Often in the process you will see some new answers to old problems.
6. Compassion! Have I become too inward looking and think that I am the only person with problems? Take some time to be thankful for all that you do have and see what you can do to help other strugglers on the road.
7. Courage! Do I have the physical, mental and spiritual courage to take risks and do what I know is right? To go forward you need to move beyond your comfort zone, but you need to be sure that you are not betraying your values in the process.
8. Care! Am I following through on the self-care that I need in physical, mental and spiritual terms? The fact is you cannot be your best and achieve your dreams if you are not realistic about your own needs. You cannot care for others if you are not also caring for yourself.
9. Cooperation! Have I adopted a scarcity mentality or an abundance mentality? There are many others on the journey, they are not competitors for just one prize, if we cooperate we can achieve win/win situations.
10. Communication! Am I sharing my hopes and dreams with those close to me? Effective communication is the way to get help and support. Share your passion for where you are going because there will be days when you need a word of encouragement to keep going.
Are you prepared to honestly ask yourself some of those? This is your life, it is not a dress rehearsal, so if you need some coaching I hope these questions are a helpful beginning, but often the key to success is accountability! Find somebody you trust who will keep you on track.
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on December 1st, 2011%
In pondering the frantic rush of what is regarded by some as the “Silly Season” with the added pressures of postings, comings and goings, finishing off things I was reminded of the following:
The clock is my dictator, I shall not rest.
It makes me to lie down only when I am exhausted.
It leads me to deep depression, it hounds my soul.
It leads me in circles of frenzy for activities sake.
Even though I run frantically from task to task,
I will never get it all done, for my ideal is with me.
Deadlines and my need for approval, they drive me.
They demand performance from me, beyond the limits of my schedule.
They anoint my head with migraines, my in-basket overflows.
Surely fatigue and time pressure shall follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the bonds of frustration forever.
(Monica K. Hornok, “Ps 23 Antithesis”)
Can you identify with that? I can! Yet the reality is it does not HAVE to be like that. What I am holding on to goes like this:
1-3 God, my shepherd! I don’t need a thing
You have bedded me down in lush meadows,
you find me quiet pools to drink from.
True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
4 Even when the way goes through
Death Valley,
I’m not afraid
when you walk at my side.
Your trusty shepherd’s crook
makes me feel secure.
5 You serve me a six-course dinner
right in front of my enemies.
You revive my drooping head;
my cup brims with blessing.
6 Your beauty and love chase after me
every day of my life.
I’m back home in the house of God
for the rest of my life.
(The Message by Eugene H Peterson)
Maybe it is time for you to get to know the Good shepherd as well over this Christmas break.
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on October 27th, 2011%
 The opportunity to go on retreat is one of the few perks of being a chaplain, and so this last week I gathered with a whole bunch of Protestant Chaplains (Army, Navy and Air Force) to reassess my life and faith. We were challenged to consider the past, the present and the future… and out of that I came to a startling conclusion, I think that I am going OK. One of the books that I am currently reading is Helen Keller’s auto biography and as I looked at my life it became obvious that some people have a lot more to overcome, things that I take for granted. Helen was born in the 1880’s and although she was born with sight and hearing, as the result of illness at a very young age was plunged into a world of silence and darkness, feeling isolated and alone. It was not till she was about 7 years old that Annie Sullivan, her teacher, broke into her life and taught her how to communicate. The result was revolutionary, she went on to get a university education, write books, work for women’s rights and pioneer support for people with disabilities. In short, she became one of the most inspiring people of the 20th century!
What can we learn from her life? Probably lots of things but here are three that impacted me:
1. Focus on the possibilities not the problems! Helen Keller had plenty of problems but she did not let these stop her from achieving her goals even when the majority of people around told her they were impossible. Helen herself put it like this “While they were saying among themselves it cannot be done, it was done.”
2. Be confident in who you are! Helen was one of those people who believed that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. In fact she said “self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world”. The fact is, we choose how we want to be treated, and if we choose to feel like the victim, others will treat us accordingly.
3. Use experiences to build character! If you are focussing on the possibilities, tackling life with confidence, that doesn’t mean that you will not have failures and frustrations. The key is to learn from those mistakes! Helen put it like this: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experiences of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”
As I took time out this week I was also reminded that “what I am looking for is not out there, it is in me” (Helen Keller). As strange as it may seem, when I made the effort to go for a few long walks, reduced the clutter in my heart and mind, God spoke to me as well! So, when was the last time you went on retreat and did some soul searching?
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on May 21st, 2011%
 In dealing with people one of the popular issues lately is anger. They may be angry with the military for how they have been treated, angry with the boss for work issues, angry with colleagues for being neglected or angry with God for allowing certain things to happen. The fact is we have all been angry, it is part of being human, but the reality is that some of us manage it better than others. There is nothing inherently wrong with being angry, in fact the scriptures tell us that even Jesus was angry, and anger is the right and appropriate response to injustice and things that are wrong. However, anger is also a powerful emotion which stimulates a whole range of physical, mental and behavioural responses which can very quickly get out of hand. So what can we do to handle it better? Here are five simple things you can try:
1. Acknowledge it! Admit that what you are feeling is anger, and consciously stop yourself from doing what comes naturally. Slow down, back off and give yourself time to consider the consequences of allowing your emotions to dictate your actions. For some people that mean go for a walk, raise a sweat in the gym to deal with excess energy before sitting down to,
2. Name it! Why are you angry? Who is that anger directed at? Sadly all too often angry outbursts are dumped on innocent bystanders. I have seen all too many cases where work issues have not been addressed in the appropriate forum, self medication with alcohol becomes preferred option and then they wonder why a fights break out at the boozer or a domestic violence at home! If you name it honestly, then you need to
3. Get help! Talk to the right people, so that you can deal with the real issues and not just the superficial problems. Within the military context I have noticed that it is much easier to deal with alcohol dependency than the real issue of anger management or unfair treatment. If you have a trusted friend, that is a great place to start or you can talk to the chaplain, medical, or get a referral to Psychologist. Then you may be in a place where you can,
4. Express how you feel! Go to the person who you feel is central and explain how you feel without trying to blame them for your problems. Accept responsibility for how you feel and seek to clarify the facts. All too often the issue is about poor communication and perceptions rather than injustice or a desire to hurt! The final step,
5. Respond constructively! Seek to find a positive outcome, a creative response that allows both parties to save face. There may be a need to ask forgiveness or offer it. If you realise that your anger has been destructive to others around you be prepared to confess it. Most people do not want nice words what they want to see is a positive change in behaviour. Your promises need to be backed up with action.
Gary Chapman in his book called “The Other Side Of Love” summarises all that in just one sentence:
“Anger’s purpose is to motivate us to positive, loving action that will leave things better than when we found them.”
Or as Aristotle put it
“Anyone can become angry. That is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose and in the right way… that is not easy.”
For some people that will require a miracle, but you are in luck, part of my job is to introduce you to the one who can work miracles and help you deal with your anger, though it might take a bit of time.
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
By Ian, on May 4th, 2011%
I am currently working on a new job… training mentors. In looking at the information I will be presenting I was prompted to consider the mentors that have impacted my life. Some of them I chose, some were thrust upon me, some were good, some were not so good, but ALL of them left an impact and helped mould me into who I am today. But what makes a good mentor? As I pondered the characteristics of my mentors, their diverse methods, approaches and backgrounds, and I came up with four characteristics that defined the good ones:
- CONSISTENCY! Good mentors are reliable, the standards never change and they will always tell you the truth, when you have done a good job AND when you stuff up! They know who they are, where they are going and where they are tryng to lead you, and will consistently stay on track.
- AUTHENTICITY! The mentors I respect are the ones that modelled openness and honesty in their own lives as well as expecting the same from me. They were not hypocrites who demanded one thing from me and did the opposite when they thought I wouldn’t notice. They were true to the core, even able to admit their own problems and failures.
- UNSELFISHNESS! Those who impacted me most were the ones who gave themselves unselfishly, who in their own busy schedules made time to teach and train me, giving sacrificially with little or no thought for what they would get out of it.
- PERSISTANCY! In my experience, good mentors refused to quit, even when I did stupid things!
They did not just forget it, they dealt with the real issues and then gave me another chance, even when I didn’t think that I deserved it! You might think that you are only a mentor for a year, but good mentors will persist for many years to come!
So, whether you are a mentor or a mentoree (and many of us are both) these are the characteristics you should be working on. They are in tune with RAAF values and what God expects of us.
Maybe this is a good time to stop and think about your mentors, particularly the ones that made a positive impact. Have you ever thanked them? Do something about it today!
Chaplain Ian S Whitley
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